When Doubt Closes In...

Doubt. It is an ugly, ominous, black cloud that slowly creeps in and has suffocating qualities.  Doubt has planted unwanted, fearful thoughts in my mind that I can't seem to escape. And then I, again, question myself and begin feeling so unworthy.

Why did God choose me to become a mother?

What if I can't do it....fail the child, fail my husband, fail myself?

What if I don't love my child?

All of these questions and thoughts have crowded my mind. They poured in on me and saturated my mind relentlessly.  And so, again this morning, for the fourth Sunday in a row, God worked on my heart. Softening. Molding. Shaping. Loving. Dr. Patterson spoke of healing and while most pregnant women don't consider themselves broken, I know that I'm broken, depraved, and nothing without God. While all of the doubts crowded in on me, God whispered:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

He reassures. He reconfirms. He teaches. And so like Matthew 11 suggests, I will continue to use this experience to learn from Him. When doubt closes in, I will take that opportunity to rest in Him.