Let the Appointments Begin

On Thursday, September 18 I had my first OB appointment (at 8 weeks pregnant).  It was definitely surreal and my stomach was in knots.  For some reason, the doctors office scheduled me for two appointments back to back.  The first was my meeting with the OB nurse, the second was my first OB physical.  This is important because the entire time I was there each person I saw questioned why I had two appointments in one day.  My response always went something like this, "Um....I don't know?! That's what the nurse on the phone did!"

I met with the OB nurse who gave me this bright pink bag that screams "I'm pregnant"!!!!  And for someone who isn't quite comfortable with that idea yet, the bag may have been a little much.  Then, I had my physical with Dr. Tinga who is crazy tall....6'8" to be exact.  All of his exams tables are lifted, and all of his doorways are custom height.

Funny story.  Maybe TMI, but you can decide.

So, you know how when you've been in a profession for a while you may forget to tell someone something because you assume it to be common knowledge.  Well the OB nurse that I first met with was older and slightly cantankerous.  As I was leaving, she handed me a urine sample cup and a wipe and told me to go pee in the cup.  No further instructions needed, right? So, I went into the bathroom and peed in the cup.  Thinking I must be Intellectually Gifted in my cup-peeing skills, I thought, "well, I didn't even need this wipe thingy because I got absolutely no pee on my cup."  Walking out head held a little higher, I passed my cup off to the lab lady.  Fast forward about 15 minutes to when they ran my urine sample and saw that I was "spilling over white blood cells".  Dr. Tinga and his nurse were in there when the report came in and he asked if I had been having any UTI like symptoms.  Nope, none!  Then the nurse chimed in, "Maybe you just didn't wipe well enough before peeing in the cup."  HAHA!!  I almost died laughing but instead held it together and said, "Yeah, I bet that's exactly what happened." WHOOPS-- so that is what the wipe was for!!

So the rest of the appointment can be summed up in- couldn't hear the heartbeat, talked to Dr. Tinga in his office, and headed on out.  And just like that I had survived my very first OB appointment :-)

If I Ever Needed Grace It's Now

After talking to a dear friend (Cheryl) last night, she suggested that I listen to the song If I Ever Needed Grace. How had I never heard this song when I absolutely love Jimmy Needham?  This morning, Jacob left bright and early for a meeting which left me home alone and free to be loud and rambunctious :-)  So, I Googled the song and listened to it.... at least 4 times.  And I cried.  Surprise! It seems like that's all I do anymore!

Let me just tell you, that this song tapped into exactly how I have been feeling.  And God threw me a curve ball right at the end.  The lyrics say:
Nine short months till she arrived
Little hands and lions eyes
And I'm so scared I don't have what it takes
But I hear your voice Sunday morning
Father give me eyes to see
All I need's the power of your name

If I ever needed grace it's now
You are strong when I am week somehow
I am weak enough to see
I need you to cover me
If I ever needed grace, it's now.

I'm so thankful that God continues to give me signs and speak through my beautiful friends.

Jacob's Family

Telling Jacob's family ranks at the top of my list in happy days of my life as well.  We decided, spur of the moment, to head up to Greenville to watch the ECU vs. VT game in the Murphy Center.  We arrived at Jacob's house, expecting his Dad to be rearing and ready to go, but he still needed to take a shower.  So, of course, I sat and anxiously waited until we could discreetly get both of his parents in the same place at the same time!  Finally, right before we left I showed them a onesie that I had made for our unbelievably adorable niece, Ava Kate.  

After ooing and gooing over the onesie, Mrs. Lydia finally decided to read it and then almost dropped her teeth!  She said out loud, "Big Cousin" and then immediately processed what was going on.  In the meantime, poor Mr. Jack was still clueless.  He kept saying, "Big Cousin?"  "What, are you her cousin or something?"  Mrs. Lydia was hugging me, and Mr. Jack was making his way over to Jacob still trying to figure out what the heck was going on.  Finally, Mrs. Lydia clued him in and yelled, "SHE'S PREGNANT!!"  After confirming that that was really the case, Mr. Jack couldn't believe it either.  There were tears everywhere-- the new theme of my life-- and we headed out to the game with a new little Pirate fan in tow.

{insert video of us telling them-- it's on Jacob's phone!}

We had planned to wait and tell Jacob's brothers a little later, but as we were sitting there watching the game Mrs. Lydia came up with the idea of inviting everyone over for a celebration dinner.  And how can you say no to that?!  So, we gladly went along with it.  Laura and Parker were unsure if they were going to be able to make it because they had other dinner plans, but fortunately they were able to pop in afterwards which we were very thankful for!  So, we gave Ava Kate her little onesie and I am 100% sure that Aunt Laura was more excited than both me and Jacob put together!!! 

After dinner, we were able to spend some sweet family time together and I got to snuggle that little angel face up above!!  

Highlights of the Day:

• Telling Jacob's parents
• ECU beating Virginia Tech
• Telling Jacob's brothers and our sister-in-law
• Getting to hold and love on Ava Kate
• A very special phone call on the way home which may have made me cry {SURPRISE!}

When Doubt Closes In...

Doubt. It is an ugly, ominous, black cloud that slowly creeps in and has suffocating qualities.  Doubt has planted unwanted, fearful thoughts in my mind that I can't seem to escape. And then I, again, question myself and begin feeling so unworthy.

Why did God choose me to become a mother?

What if I can't do it....fail the child, fail my husband, fail myself?

What if I don't love my child?

All of these questions and thoughts have crowded my mind. They poured in on me and saturated my mind relentlessly.  And so, again this morning, for the fourth Sunday in a row, God worked on my heart. Softening. Molding. Shaping. Loving. Dr. Patterson spoke of healing and while most pregnant women don't consider themselves broken, I know that I'm broken, depraved, and nothing without God. While all of the doubts crowded in on me, God whispered:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

He reassures. He reconfirms. He teaches. And so like Matthew 11 suggests, I will continue to use this experience to learn from Him. When doubt closes in, I will take that opportunity to rest in Him.